"How did you sleep?"
"How did you sleep?"
It's probably one of the questions I ask most often.
Every morning I ask my husband. Not because I'm making polite conversation, but because sleep has become a bit of a complicated relationship for me. If he tells me he slept well, I'm genuinely pleased for him... although I might also be just a tiny bit jealous!
We ask our children.
We ask friends who have stayed the night.
We rarely ask, "Did you have enough to eat?" or "Did you remember to breathe?"
But we ask about sleep
Why?
Because instinctively, we all know how important it is.
Yet somewhere along the way, many women begin to accept poor sleep as just another part of getting older.
"I only slept four hours."
"I woke up at three and never got back to sleep."
"I was exhausted, but my brain had other ideas."
Sound familiar?
For many women in perimenopause and menopause, night-time becomes a battle between a body desperate for rest and a mind that seems to have missed the memo.
You finally drift off...
Then you're awake.
Was that the dog?
Did you hear a noise?
Why am I so hot?
Did I reply to that email?
I wonder what we're having for dinner tomorrow.
Hang on... what day is tomorrow?
Brilliant. Now I'm wide awake.
By the time morning arrives, you feel as though you've already done a full day's work before your feet have even touched the floor.
Then comes the part that nobody really talks about.
It's not just that you're tired.
It's that everything feels harder.
The school email that normally wouldn't bother you suddenly feels overwhelming.
Someone asks you a simple question, and your brain goes completely blank.
You snap at your partner, then feel guilty.
You walk into a room and can't remember why.
You forget words you've used your whole life.
You wonder if you're losing your mind.
And perhaps the hardest part of all...
You stop recognising yourself.
Many women tell themselves they're just not coping very well anymore.
That they've become less patient.
Less organised.
Less resilient.
But what if that's not the truth?
What if you've simply been trying to carry the weight of everyday life while running on an empty battery?
Sleep isn't just about feeling refreshed the next morning.
While we sleep, our brain and body are carrying out essential housekeeping. Memories are organised. Hormones are regulated. The nervous system has an opportunity to settle. Our emotional resilience is restored.
When that restorative sleep is disrupted night after night, it's hardly surprising that the world begins to feel heavier.
No wonder so many women tell me they feel overwhelmed.
No wonder they say they don't feel like themselves anymore.
The truth is, you're not failing.
You're exhausted.
And those are two very different things.
The good news?
Although it may not feel like it at three o'clock in the morning, there are reasons why sleep becomes more difficult during perimenopause and menopause. Understanding what's happening can be the first step towards making sense of it all.
I'll be exploring that in my next blog.
For now, I simply want you to know this.
If you've been lying awake wondering why everything suddenly feels so much harder...
You're not imagining it.
You're not weak.
And you're certainly not alone.
If reading this has made you think, "That's exactly how I feel," perhaps that's where our conversation begins.
I offer a free 30 minute chat, with no pressure and no expectation. Just time to talk about what you're experiencing, ask questions, and explore whether the support I offer at Mai Solas feels right for you.
Sometimes, before we can begin to feel better, we simply need someone to truly listen to us.
And personally, I think that's a pretty good place to start.